


Why does everyone leave me?

by felicityollies



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fights, Hallucinations, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 17:33:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14289879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felicityollies/pseuds/felicityollies
Summary: “I must be… I can’t keep my mind or my life together. Felicity… she’s going to leave me like everyone else leaves me…. Why does everyone leave me?” his voice cracked, “It’s because I’m sick isn’t it?”





	Why does everyone leave me?

**Author's Note:**

> angst before the angst.... enjoy? 6x18 spec/spoiler

“Hey!” Felicity shouted, stopping him mid-sentence.

He swallowed back his words; they tasted like bitter bile. They were unnecessarily cruel. Words he would never say to Felicity or William, but he couldn’t stop himself as soon as they tumbled out of his mouth. His eyes moved over his wife as she stood in front of William protectively. Oliver’s chest moved up and down in heavy pants. Sweat formed on his brow. His suit was suffocating him. It was a million degrees in that damned apartment, he was sure of it. Why the hell was it so hot?

“You don’t get to yell at either of us like that, but especially not him,” Felicity was speaking again.

He looked behind her to his son. William peered over her shoulder with fearful eyes, tears rolled down his cheeks. That wasn’t right. He’d hurt William. He’d hurt his son and his wife. She looked both angry and scared.

“Get out,” she hissed, “Get out and go calm down.” 

Oliver swallowed thickly. He didn’t have to be told twice. He turned and walked, no he ran towards the door. Air, he needed air.

He hit the sidewalk, tugging at the tie around his neck. His mouth was dry, and the heat was overbearing. He deserved it; he’d hurt his family again. Stumbling down the sidewalk, he tried to decide what to do next.

Everything was falling apart. Everyone was leaving. Rene was gone, Dinah was gone, Curtis, and John too. He went into the field the previous night alone and nothing had gone right. He’d been hit with something, but he thought he was fine. Now he wasn’t so sure. Was he truly having problems because of something given to him or was he just a horrible person?

Maybe both.

Oliver found his way into the bunker. He didn’t know how he got there. Couldn’t remember. He pulled his coat off and tossed it aside. He felt slightly cooler, but not enough. Sitting down at the large table, he put his head in his hands. What was wrong with him?

“Ollie,” a soft familiar voice came to him, “You look like hell.”

“I feel like hell,” he swallowed thickly. His eyes started to burn with unshed tears, “I’m ruining everything.”

He looked up and met the gaze of Tommy Merlyn.

“Shit,” he whispered.

Tommy smiled, “How’s that for a greeting?”

“I’m losing my god damned mind.”

“You’re not.”

“I must be… I can’t keep my mind or my life together. Felicity… she’s going to leave me like everyone else leaves me…. Why does everyone leave me?” his voice cracked, “It’s because I’m sick isn’t it?”

“You’re-“

“Don’t tell me I’m not sick! I’m sick in the head… PTSD or whatever they call it… it ruins everything. I didn’t mean… to hurt her or William.”

“It doesn’t have to control your life, Oliver,” he squeezed Oliver’s hand, soft and cold, but familiar. An echo of the person he once was.

Oliver’s chest ached. Felicity told him things like that. She tried to help him through his episodes, through his nightmares and flashbacks, but what good did it do? He lashed out at her anyway. She was going to leave.

He looked up for Tommy again, but he was gone. Oh god, he was really going crazy. Talking to a dead man.

“Shit, shit, shit,” he slammed his hands down on the table with each word. 

He closed his eyes and swallowed thickly. There were so many things he had learned over the years to bring him back when he was like this, but he couldn’t hold onto a single good thought. He didn’t deserve to come back. He didn’t deserve to think about Felicity bringing him back from the brink. The nights when she whispered to him that his mental illness wasn’t his entire life, it was a part of him, but it didn’t define or control him. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve anything, but to die down there alone.

“Oliver.”

He opened his eyes and saw Felicity standing in front of him. She looked just as she had when he left her in the apartment. A chance. A chance to apologize. He didn’t deserve it, but god he wanted it. He needed her. Oliver loved her more than he had ever loved another person. He needed her, and he needed William in his life.

“Please…. Please I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Oliver stood and walked towards her. His eyes fell on her hands. No wedding ring.

“Felicity, please,” he choked, “Give me a chance. I know I don’t deserve it, but please.”

She crossed her arms in front of her chest, “I’m leaving you. William and I are leaving,” it was cold and robotic.

“No, you can’t,” he fell to his knees in front of her, “Please.”

“You ruined this like you ruin everything,” she didn’t sound anything like herself, but it didn’t matter. The words stung his heart.

He choked on a sob, “P-please,” he put his hands on hers, “I love you so much, don’t leave me.”

“I deserve better than you.”

“Felicity,” his voice was barely audible over the tears.

She glitched before his eyes like a faulty computer program.

“Too little too late,” she muttered and then she was gone.

He fell forward onto his hand. His chest was tight; his heart was broke. He couldn’t do anything, but cry and try not to start heaving. It was all too much. It was becoming too hard to breathe. To think. Too much.

“Felicity,” he wheezed, “Felicity… come back.”

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think!
> 
> tumblr & twitter: felicityollies


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